The bright side

Today I was reading again my last post and in the end I concluded how pessimist I can be, so I decided to start all over again...
My name is Camila, what you should already know and I'm a student of Pharmacy at UPF, I am 17 and I'm a girl that still doesn't know what wants to be, and I don't mean it as a professional, but a person, I don't know if is my age that's a little bit complicated but I really don't know who I want to be.
Most of my time I spent with bad jokes, I think I'm funnny but that's all, I use it because I like to hide feelings, actually is not hide the right word, but kind of I have this problem, people never really knows how I feel. I'm a person who likes to be alone, I'm observer so that's why I'm a little antisocial, I like to hear, not talk.
As I said the las post, I'm with some problems, today I saw my friend, Carol, the one I betrayd, the sensation wasn't good, I felt like crap, the worst person, she doesn't even looked at me, but I can't beg her for her friendship, not after she prefered her boyfriend than a friend, I guess her boyfriend screwed up too and wasn't his first time...,Maybe one day she will forget, or not.
About the other problems, alcohol, I'm not an addicted or something, is just that I need it to have fun, but when I start I don't stop easily, this problem is the one I'm working harder, is the reason I'm in so much trouble.
Though all these things I have a good life, I still have friends, great ones, I love being at college, it makes me feel part of something and I have a future ahead, so mistakes is what life is made of too, I need to deal with it, I can't be regretting all the time the things I did, because this is NOT live, definitely not.