Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Basically who I am

It's being such a pain in the ass all this regret that I feel, my life is going good lately but my past is haunting me, it's not like I've done a lot of bad things, I mean, really bad things, but I did some that I'm not proud of, that a couple years ago I would never do, and now, it's almost normal.
A week ago started my classes at college, is my first year and it's being awesome all the things that I'm learning, but when I come home I get back to my life and all the problems that I created, so lets start:
First: I don't speak with one of my best friends because last year I was so drunk that I kissed her boyfriend... I know I'm a bitch and that was betrayal, I really do and I'm not proud of this, I would do everything to get back in time and do everything different, but I guess this is a little impossible, so now I live with this mistake that will never be forgotten, not for her at least.
Second: I drink too much, when I go to a party I do everything wrong, I always get so wasted and that's embarassing because all that I do in the other day everybody is talking about, actuaclly I must be seen as the drunk girl, less by my mother...
Third: I'm such a selfish and insecure person, that must be one of the reasons I dry a bottle of vodka when I go out. If I was a little bit less selfish, maybe I had think about how my friend would feel when she discovered about me and her boyfriend. If I was a little bit less insecure, maybe I didn't need to drink to feel better and comfortable.
I could stay here and write about all my mistakes and my flaws all the night, but I don't think it would solve any of these problems, they are my fault and now I'm just paying for all of them, I deserve it, I accept that, but it's not easy to deal with guilt every f*cking minute of my life.

No comments:

Post a Comment